No wonder it has been 2 weeks since I am living with the knowledge that there is help nearby and I am doing nothing to receive it. I found out that there is a support group near me, which was very unbelievable discovery in the beginning. I felt like, finally, I am going to start a new chapter in my life. I will be able to move on from this constant hogging. But no, somehow it is very difficult to go there.
I guess just accepting that I have a problem isn't enough. It should be as simple as, cover yourself up, order an Uber and reach there, so why am I not able to make it. To be honest, I don't have a super insightful punch to drop in here. I am in dark. I just cannot and I am not able to. I am spiraling.
Eating makes everything better, otherwise all of it is crawling under my skin. When I am not eating I can't deal with the fact that I am alive. After I have stuffed and traumatized my elbow, jaw, esophagus, and what not, I am too guilty to live. I am scared that they will make me stop eating.
The thing that is amazing me the most is somehow my brain is using this fact, that I am a food addict, as an excuse to eat more. I mean what is wrong with my wiring. I should be more disciplined and strict with myself, instead I am letting myself go. I am talking no bumps or breaks, whatsoever.
I have been told that I am being too hard on myself. I should cut myself some slack. But me comprehends all this as : its OK, eat as much as you want, you are dealing with a lot.
I guess just accepting that I have a problem isn't enough. It should be as simple as, cover yourself up, order an Uber and reach there, so why am I not able to make it. To be honest, I don't have a super insightful punch to drop in here. I am in dark. I just cannot and I am not able to. I am spiraling.
Eating makes everything better, otherwise all of it is crawling under my skin. When I am not eating I can't deal with the fact that I am alive. After I have stuffed and traumatized my elbow, jaw, esophagus, and what not, I am too guilty to live. I am scared that they will make me stop eating.
The thing that is amazing me the most is somehow my brain is using this fact, that I am a food addict, as an excuse to eat more. I mean what is wrong with my wiring. I should be more disciplined and strict with myself, instead I am letting myself go. I am talking no bumps or breaks, whatsoever.
I have been told that I am being too hard on myself. I should cut myself some slack. But me comprehends all this as : its OK, eat as much as you want, you are dealing with a lot.
