Hammered In My Mind

Be unique, be above everyone else, outshine everyone, never leave the room without impressing everyone, always be the first to ask questions and at the same time be the first to answer too. Your name should be on the top of all (good) lists, oh yes, that blows up in face real-quick. We will be happy only when your name appears in the newspapers after board exams, and your picture is asked by every coaching after competitive exams. Ace every test, be a topper. Don't be fat, be beatiful, take care of skin and hair, be stylish, yet not too stylish. Be enough stylish that people can say that you are beauty with brains. Workout, so you don't look dead. But don't waste too much time on that, do it for 40 minutes, forty first minute will be a waste if you spend it on the same task. Have a schedule, follow that, everyone has 24 hours, its not like toppers have more hours in their day. And yes, in case you thought, let me confirm, yes, opposite of beautiful is fat and there is ONLY one type of beautiful. 

And then my mother asks, why can't you be your age, why can't you enjoy life. First of all am I allowed to? And what is my age exactly? Am I not supposed to just keep hustling out of guilt and shame, that how I am not doing enough. Should I not just be feeling bad all the time for not being on the top. Do I have the time to live and enjoy? Is it even appropriate?

There is a disclaimer that I want to shout. I am not giving any parenting advices. I am not commenting on everyones parenting techniques. There is nothing generalized here, it is pretty much about me and people related to me. I hate them, and it is nobodys problem, its mine and only my issue. 

And yes, it is a great advice to "leave it". When the greatest and most used solution is to leave it then why is it so bad to "leave" life or "leave" your parents to suffer in their old age and in their need. What is so bad about it, I did what everyone is telling me to do from the beginning of the time "leave it". Left all of it, demons still reside in, to that what do you have to say, let me take a guess, do you want to say :

1. Happens to everyone, snap out of it, you are not the only one
2. They did it out of love, and for your own good

Right from the time we are born it is hammered in our brain, it is made sure that those nails don't budge, that unless you are falling under certain categories you are of no use to anybody. Existing is meaningless, without certain tags.

PS : People have died screaming for help, nobody listens, and then they say that this was sudden.