Never Be Enough, Never, Never!

 So....., yes, everything I write is going to begin like this, may be, may be not.

So back to topic, I did my schooling from a very elite school in the city. Reasons it was elite was because, it had a huge building, it had a brick kind of textured walls with white ouline and red paint. Yeah, thats how elite it was. We were strictly, not allowed top speak in HIndi and everything we did was just not enough.

Came out of the school, came out of college too and still I was nothing because I hadn't done enough, wandered in the job market, landed a few job, couldn't sustain because I was not enough. I was too sensitive, not cut-throat enough, not bitch enough to dehumanize myself to cater to the needs of the organization. And somehow, I wasn't qualified enough to get a job where I will get respect and not treated like a human machine who is supposed to compete and slice everyone. And be on the top! (In my mind I am shouting it like tawwwwppppp). I mean aren't we all working for same org, reaching same targets, have same goal, why do we have to kill each other here. 

So I gave up every job, started afresh, got admitted in a college, enrolled myself for a course that was among the top 10 skills on google, and I enrolled for full-time classroom program in reputed private college. Reason for full time course because correspondence course is just not a match, its just blah, whereas, in classroom course, pay years worth of fees for few months and then, sit in the class to view videos live and then let me list me down:

1. If you don't have enough theoritical knowledge, you won't understand the working, the logic
2. If you spend time studying that, then real world doesn't care about theories, its about how much work you can do practically, who cares about theory, no one, world is result driven
3. If you are doing hands-on then you are not doing projects 
4. If you are doing projects they are not enough in number
5. If they are too many then they are redundant, which everyone is doing
6. If you do new projects, and they are too many, then they are too many, it will overkill your resume
7. If they are non real-time projects they are a waste
8. If they are not end to end project then you are no good
9. Hell you should be able to deliver the product all by yourself, thats perfectly sane ask, not too much at all
10. What is being taught in class, and you are following that, it is not enough, because as said by my HOD, a teacher can only do 30%, rest you have to take care of, because teacher can only teach so much
11. If you are leaving class after the day ends, then you will be left behind the group that is staying back and "having discussions". Should stay back, only doing what is done in class for the day is not enough
12. I am still in planning to go back and reviewing things, peole have done the revision and applied for a 1000 thousands, and already disappointed that they are not hearing back from recruiters.

I am stunned and I can feel my organs turning cold from inside when I see things running at this pace and I am like, what happened to absorbing the concepts and sitting with them for a while, so:

1. I am not good at time management
2. I should be able to control speed with a flip switch, even deceleration in vehicle takes time but in me it should be in a snap
3. I should take breaks, I should be able to just stop and relax at 1:00 and then go back to same speed at 1:15
4. My favourite, I am not using my breaks effectively, sitting means that I am just wasting my break. I should go take a walk, stretch, drink water, and do some hot yoga, that will be useful ustilisation of my break.

Because you know, "sitting won't take you anywhere".

Basically I should just jump from one task to another, then they say why are you all over the place, you are taking too much stress. What happened to laws of momentum?

PS: I just love this song, and even more when my sister sings it.