Standing Up On My Own Two Feet!

She fights a battle, she wins everyday because she woke up next morning

She loses every morning because she has to fight the same battle all over again

The day I realized that I was a human being too, I remember her telling me to never get married and be self-dependent. I said Ok, Understood. 

This happened everyday, suicide ideations weren't a big deal for me. They were part of daily conversation, something like "rather than living in these conditions its better I die". Hmm. She is right, it is better to be not living at all than to keep fighting. I was a very small child and my mind did not know any better. All it saw was, there is a problem and there is a solution. So, what's wrong with that? 

I never questioned this solution, up until somebody came very near to executing the solution. There was shock and chaos all over the place, but not in my mind. I pretended to be shocked but I wasn't. Because according to me it was a fair choice. People recovered from that incident, battles remained the same, I didn't see any major changes being made around me.

So, I have grown up in an environment where making your parents proud BY best ranks, marks, college, highly paid job, amazing marriage, and having children is the only thing to strive for, and apparently good manners. And it is one sided, strictly. Because parents have already done so much for you and now you have to "prove" yourself. Its a classic pyramid scheme, you expect mountains from your children and then those children have children of their own and then they expect from them because they have already Done Enough.

I decided to ditch this hierarchical structure, and stand up on my own two feet and find my own way. I did not know that this was the worst sin of all. Ha ha. Now when I say that I have nobody to look up to, who is happily married, why would I knowingly do something that will make me miserable. To that, I am told "why will you experience that, you will have a happy life, its not like that anymore."

PS : What happened to the lessons like 

1. Learning from others mistakes
2. Obeying your parents as a child 
3. Be independent